i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So much rum. So many feels.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
