I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize