walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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