I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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