wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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