imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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