how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize