Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
