Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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