Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
