Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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