Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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