i think my tv is drunk
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
