Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
