Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
