I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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