I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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