She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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