A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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