Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
