Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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