Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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