i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
