I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
