I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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