I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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