Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize