Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I understand Curling. That high.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
