she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's never too late to be topless.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
