The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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