Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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