its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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