i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
