Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize