if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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