Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
