this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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