true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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