I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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