We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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