ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
