Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
