Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
