So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
