I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
