I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm at about main and main street
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
