K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
