How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
