Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
