Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
