woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
