It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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