Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
