Me too!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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