I wanna passion pit in your ass
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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