Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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