I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
