wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
