When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
