Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
