You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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