Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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