Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
