i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
