Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
After tacos, we're chasing women.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
