he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
