How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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