there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
