Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
